Well fans, the weekend was RUINED for me. I was sent into solitary confinement sans paper, sans pen and sans serif as they say in literary circles.

When I was released there on my nasty bed was a letter from Doll Splinter and I was in NO MOOD to read it.

Why was I in solitary you ask.  Well for something so minor it hardly counts. As you know I have been crouching under the bed covers for a few days to escape the racket made by my cell mate, the irrepressibly cheerful Spud. But notes of music penetrate even the thinnest of prison blankets and my head felt pierced by sharps and flats. So without further ado, as he lay in his bed on Friday night, I hit him smartly over the head with the ukulele. The ludicrous instrument splintered and cracked, the strings pinged and snapped but- and you will  scarcely believe this- that that daft potato,although somewhat dented, just slept blissfully on. I was enraged and was just about to jump on his head when in rushed the warders. When I protested that it was not me that needed to be punished they just laughed. Have they not heard of breaches of the peace?

So I am now sitting looking at an envelope and Spud is eyeing me with a wariness which I find rather gratifying.He is very keen to know what is inside so just to spite him I won’t open it.

These little triumphs keep me going fans.