January 1, 2015

Have decided to keep a diary. The thoughts of someone like me are bound to be of interest. Confined as I am in this wretched prison cell it is the only way to reach out to my my adoring fans who would give anything for just a glimpse of my handsome roundness. The very least I can do is allow them access to my MIND.

So here I sit on the hard prison bed swinging my legs and rolling my eyes. The new year has begun. Last night I was kept awake by the sound of fireworks outside and by the racket made by the prison warders who were eating cakes and singing. When midnight came they cheered and yelled and sang. Infuriating.

My head aches as if it has been hit with a spoon.

“What’s your New Year’s Resolution Egg O?” they shouted.

I didn’t bother to answer. I lay down on my bed and frowned at the ceiling.

But I do have a resolution.

I am hatching a plan.

A secret plan.

Until tomorrow fans!