Now you may be wondering, fans of mine, why there are no photographs of my wonderful round self in this diary. Well, it’s yet another outrage. Those wretched warders have banned photographs saying they are a breach of security. But tomorrow is Visiting Day and I intend to ask Doll Splinter to bring me a camera. She’s a friend of mine and she comes to me for advice so she won’t mind bending the rules. Spud is very keen to have his picture taken. His children are coming tomorrow as well. Can you believe he has children? Or a wife? He tells me his wife is a Spanish potato called Pilar and it has started me wondering if I might get married. Imagine how wonderful it would be! Me looking handsome and my bride gazing at me adoringly.
In prison all I can do is imagine. I imagine the tunnel Spud is going to dig and I imagine me popping out at the other end like a mole. Well not quite like a mole, I have superior eyes. But anyway, we will escape and Doll Splinter is going to help although she doesn’t know that yet.
Did I mention that the warders are the rabbits? Those pesky rabbits who stole my peas? Well that is what I have to put up with every day. Bossy rabbits.
But not for long.
Roll on Visiting Day.
Al dente fans!
P.S. You can find out about the rabbits if you go right back to the first few blogs and start reading from Saturday and Sunday and then The Picnic.